I was walking up to a little hill near me, which I like to do in the evening sometimes, and had made peace with the fact that I will definitely miss the sunset – which is when I usually aim to get up there for.
Then I started thinking about how obsessively I have, in the past, rushed like crazy, and I mean crazy, to get to a good spot for a sunrise or a sunset. It was always worth it, if I made it, and a glorious and unique experience each time, but I thought to myself, on this wonderful and peaceful evening whilst walking steadily, how much nicer it is to take it slow and enjoy the journey.
This is a well-known cliche, I know, the whole ‘it’s not in the destination but in the journey’ business but cliches, you must agree to an extent, are founded on a very strong sense of collective experience and truth. Some of them anyway.
I didn’t have my music on for once. My headphones sat around my neck. I didn’t bring my camera either – it’s usually attached to me if I’m out in nature. I didn’t rush, whatsoever, and when I heard some birds, I listened to try and locate where those beautiful sounds were coming from. When I saw a flower I wanted to smell, I damn well stuck my face in it. Hayfever was, albeit, kicking my arse. But damn!
Taking things slower and being accepting that I will sometimes miss things, not get to see things or get something done ‘on time’ can be immensely healing. I have to point out that in addition to the deadlines we may have at work, or the bus we have to get on time, or when we need to leave in the morning to beat the traffic – we also set ourselves all these internal deadlines. These unwelcome and almost burning impositions on our minds. We set deadlines where deadlines needn’t be set. Don’t you think?
To go back to my very inconsequential example of missing a sunset – i.e. the moment when the glorious ball of fire crosses over the horizon and slowly disappears from sight – has honestly caused me great dismay in the past! As a photographer and gothy, poetic little thing, I’ve felt very emotionally connected to sunrises and sunsets, and what they represent in terms of the beginning and end of things. Yeah – I get a little carried away with stuff eh? But really, missing that moment when the sun sets or rises barely constitutes a problem. No one has held my family hostage and ordered me to catch a brilliant sunset or else. Nothing is going to happen… So why is my heart accustomed to pounding like crazy at the prospect of missing it? Why am I nervous in the morning even though I know I’ll be on time for work, because I am every day? Why do I feel immensely pressured to get my errands done by so and so o’clock?
Well, for me it’s a multitude of reasons. A mother that always rushed me, growing up in London amidst that highly passive-aggressive ‘rush hour’ we have over there, a culture of deadlines and ‘keeping busy’, continuous stimuli that tells you who and what you must be in life and by when – the implication being that if you aren’t that person, at that stage of your life, you’ve somehow failed. External deadlines, internal deadlines. Allow.
These are pressures we all face and it’s going to take a while to scrub away years of this behaviour and learning from the whiteboard our minds eh? But let’s try to tabula rasa this ish.
Lovely people, that one evening – that hour or so I spent walking, breathing, listening, stopping and just being – was extremely significant for me. This one evening was like a balm that was applied over a wound in my heart, caused by repeated trauma through stress. Externally and internally-imposed stress.
Heart rate slow. Senses tuned in. Mind free to really see and experience what was going on.
I invite you to please try to consciously cultivate a bit of slowness somewhere in your daily lives. Or even once a week and especially during something that should actually be enjoyable but we stress ourselves into rushing through it.
Please feel free to share your experiences of the mad rush – do you feel this exhausting time pressure in your lives? Do you make an effort to take things slower from time time?
Nik-y-Vida 